The last session of the CRA-W Grad Cohort 2009 (today) was on Building Self Confidence. Studies have shown that low self confidence is common among successful women, academics, and graduate students—a triple whammy for the attendees of CRA-W! The best general advice is to believe in yourself and feel good about yourself:
“Know yourself and you will win all battles.” –Sun Tsu
“Bloom where you’ve been planted.” –anonymous
This can be difficult, however, when you’re surrounded by lot of other amazing, smart, and accomplished peers (especially in graduate school but in also industry). We were given 11 tips for building self confidence, which certainly apply to both women and men equally:
Tip #1. Admit the problem
- Take stock of where you are and think about where you want to go.
- Think about what you are good at (and in turn, what areas you can work on.) People all have different strengths; no one is perfect or good at everything!
Tip #2: Find support
- Find someone safe who you can frankly talk to—preferably someone who won’t judge you in the future about your momentary lack of self confidence. Boyfriends are good at this (at least mine is!
) - Surround yourself with nurturing friends.
- Avoid people who bring your confidence down. There are a class of people out there like this—identify them and avoid them.
- Become the support network for others. Find people with lower self confidence and help them.
Tip #3: Recognize your success
- Make a list of your recent successes. Think about what you’ve achieved so far and write it down!
- Don’t fixate on your weaknesses—don’t just put them in a box. Acknowledge them, in turn, as areas to work on.
- Create a “rainyday” or a “kudos” folder. When people send you compliments or when you achieve a success, document in and refer back to it on days when you’re feeling down!
Tip #4: Establish reachable goals
- Make a list of your goals (PhD or otherwise).
- Identify small (intermediate) steps that you can accomplish.
- Pick tasks/activities where the stakes are low for failure, but where there is a possibility for high rewards. (A weekend programming competition was cited as an example).
- If you get a rejection (e.g., on a paper submission), put the reviews in a drawer and WAIT on it. After a month, identify both the positive and negative comments the reviewers made. Then develop a proactive plan to revise and resubmit the paper.
Tip #5: Take a break
- Take time off from working/studying every once in a while!
- Exercise: go for a run, a hike, or go to the gym.
- Do something you love in your break (shopping came up…in jest!)
- Set aside time for dinner/lunch with friends.
Tip #6: Beware of the “triple low”
This happens when you have a mental, emotional, and physical low all in the same day. A mental low: your research results don’t support your hypothesis; your paper was rejected. An emotional low: you get in a fight with your boyfriend; you learn that a guy you’re interested in has a girlfriend. A physical low: you learn that you’ve gained weight; you’re starting your period; other health problems.
- When this happens, wait it out—things will be better tomorrow.
Tip #7: Work to appear confident
- Speak slowly and clearly. People will perceive what you have to say as important, more so than if you speed through it.
- Stand tall. Look people eye. If you’re standing in the corner, keep your head up.
- When people come up to greet you, accept them and their compliments gracefully. Tell them that you’re “doing great” instead of lamenting that you’re “swamped with work”.
Tip #8: Be prepared
- Go the extra mile to study for an exam (so you do well on it).
- Spend more time in lab running extra studies.
- Write down what you plan to discuss the next time you’re in a meeting (with your research group or advisor). They will be impressed, which will help you feel good about yourself.
- Write, rewrite, and rewrite papers/memos before you submit them.
- Practice your talk again and again.
Tip #9: Take a risk every day
- Challenge yourself every day.
- Pick an activity that you’ve always wanted to do. Join that team; take that rec class; and go every time.
- Then make this a habit! It will make you feel like you’ve overcome something big!
Tip #10: Stick to your principles
- Live the “golden rule.” Treat others as you would want them to treat you.
- Live your passion.
- Pay it forward!! This is not just a nice gesture—it’s also rewarding.
Tip #11: Do what you enjoy doing
- Seek out activities that you enjoy doing.
- Spend time doing them!
Hey friend: Smile. You rock! Above all, believe in yourself.
